This piece was recently accepted for publishing in the BULL litmag as of April 2025. It it expected to be published in the four months following. The piece itself was written during a mini-workshop in my Contemporary American Writers grad class at John Hopkins University; it came out of a certain catharsis after a falling out with someone very close to me. The product that it is now portrays the grief I experienced in this happening, and the inevitability that is our permanent disconnection. I held onto a hope of this person returning into my life, though this piece finally being accepted for publishing acted as the sealant over my cracked heart. I hope it opens emotions for you, the reader, as it did for me. This was one of the few pieces I've written that maintains an emotional difficulty upon reread.
This story was written early in my transition, almost a year after my first dosage, and I wanted to create a reminiscing tale based off of a fictionalized yet real scenario of my life. In a way, this piece is adjacent to the memoir, written in blurred memory yet taken heavily from reality and experience. I am hesitant to call it nonfiction as some details may not be entirely true, though the story itself is inherently real and so are the interactions of my teenage years. Islam as an Ismaili Muslim has always been a positive in my life. I always felt welcomed amongst my Muslim family and, still, find love with my religious background. In an ironic way, the Islam I grew up, while binary, allowed a certain freedom I didn't have in the white cis Christian spaces I was forced to grow in.
